I had a wonderful visit this weekend, from my cousin. Most will think what is the big deal? A visit from a cousin shouldn't be a big deal, but in our case it is. You see a family rift came between us in our late teens. Not our doing, differences our parents had with each other. so, over the last 30+ years, life has gotten in our way, we drifted but somehow always manage to find each other.
She is my older cousin. As children we were inseparable. You would have thought we were Siamese twins we were that close. Then my dad got transferred and we moved away. I was 8 years old. My cousin and I wrote to each other EVERY day. We really missed each other. We did that into our teen years, and our relationship got even closer.
My family and I moved back east when I was in high school. Even though we did not go to the same school, we remained close friends. Then I went away to college. That seemed to be the defining point. Our grandmother passed away, and the rift occurred. I don't know what happened, but indirectly it did affect my cousin and me. We drifted apart.
In the last 30+ years we have seen each other 3 times. This weekend was the 4th. She lives in another state, but within driving distance. She came to my house. We talked and giggled most of the night away. My husband let us have our time. We are still very much the same as we were as children. We talked about us. Our likes, our thoughts, our feelings. We opened the doors to our souls to each other, just like we used to do in our letters. It was good to be with her.
We are both in our mid'50's now. She is completely blond. I am highlighted. She has become very independent, and I am still opinionated. Neither of us cook or bake. We both love to read. She sews, I crochet. We love to drink coffee, and margaritas. We made plans. She is single, wasn't always, but that is another story, I am married. I have children, she doesn't. My children love her. She loves them. She likes my husband. He learned a little more about me this weekend!! I am waiting to meet the new man in her life.
I am really happy. We were able to be ourselves and not try to piece together the reasons why our families drifted apart. It doesn't matter any more. What matters now is us. We are family, and we need to renew that friendship that was our birthright. The strings that held us together as babies, strengthened as toddlers, reinforced as children, and proved everlasting as teenagers are ours to claim once again. A friendship that has never broken despite life events that tried to dismantle it brick by brick is as strong as it ever was.
Coffee and margaritas. Yes. We will have plenty of them in our future.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Harry the K
Our beloved Phillies lost a great guy this week. Our announcer. Actually he has been termed the "Voice" of the Phillies. He has been the broadcaster for the last 38 years. A really nice guy, great unmistakable voice, and an icon in Philadelphia. We loved him, and I can't think of any Philadelphia sports fan that didn't love him.
It is a passage of time, tho, and one that is very hard to accept. I thought that all those icons, those people I have known since childhood, are aging and passing on. I don't mean family and relatives, I mean the media, or entertainers, or TV actors. It is almost a chunk of your past that you remember the first time you saw this person, or heard him or her--and now they are gone.
Harry was a great announcer, but more than that he was a great human being. He was very caring, loved Philadelphia, and was very friendly to anyone in his presence. He gave of his time freely to a local nursing home, and other charitable organizations. He will be remembered, and loved forever in Philadelphia.
Our Phillies showed once again what a class act they are. The funeral today was different, but so touching. Harry loved the Phillies, and his final farewell was so appropriate.
We will always have "High Hopes" Harry, and..you may be gone, but your not "outa here". Your memory will always be a part of our beloved Phillies.
It is a passage of time, tho, and one that is very hard to accept. I thought that all those icons, those people I have known since childhood, are aging and passing on. I don't mean family and relatives, I mean the media, or entertainers, or TV actors. It is almost a chunk of your past that you remember the first time you saw this person, or heard him or her--and now they are gone.
Harry was a great announcer, but more than that he was a great human being. He was very caring, loved Philadelphia, and was very friendly to anyone in his presence. He gave of his time freely to a local nursing home, and other charitable organizations. He will be remembered, and loved forever in Philadelphia.
Our Phillies showed once again what a class act they are. The funeral today was different, but so touching. Harry loved the Phillies, and his final farewell was so appropriate.
We will always have "High Hopes" Harry, and..you may be gone, but your not "outa here". Your memory will always be a part of our beloved Phillies.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Picking up the Pieces
Disappointments and rejection are facts of life. We all experience them. We all understand how much it hurts, and somehow we all manage to rise above the hurt. Except when it happens to one of your children. Why is it that as a parent we feel their hurt, their rejection somewhat more than they do?
My son is soon to graduate from college. He is a good kid, has worked hard in college and has the GPA to prove it. He has entered into this whole job search experience with a naive but honest leap. He is trusting those he contacts with his future, his career. But all he meets is rejection.
Recently he interviewed with a company. Three times they invited him to their office to speak with different people. He received a call yesterday, from the secretary. Sorry, they want to find someone else. He was rejected yet again. Why did they bring him back three times? Why did they seem to encourage him, yet to decide to "look" for someone else?
I do believe in honesty. I believe that, especially in today's economy, the candidate for a job has to be savvy, but honest. I guess it is a quality that both my husband and I believe in enough that we have instilled it into our children. It hurts big time when they don't get the same honesty in return. I understand that employers are not overly anxious to hire new employees, but they can at least be honest about it. If they advertise for a job opening, and receive an applicant, they should have an obligation to that candidate to say if there is really an opening, or if they are just "looking" for possible hires someday. Honesty. It is a rare commodity these days.
My son is out pounding the pavement again, so to speak. He still has a month of school to go too, so he blends the job search with finals and projects and all those wonderful things students do. I know he will be ok, and things will work out for him, but as his mom, I feel his pain, his disappointment, his rejection. Then I pick up the pieces.
My son is soon to graduate from college. He is a good kid, has worked hard in college and has the GPA to prove it. He has entered into this whole job search experience with a naive but honest leap. He is trusting those he contacts with his future, his career. But all he meets is rejection.
Recently he interviewed with a company. Three times they invited him to their office to speak with different people. He received a call yesterday, from the secretary. Sorry, they want to find someone else. He was rejected yet again. Why did they bring him back three times? Why did they seem to encourage him, yet to decide to "look" for someone else?
I do believe in honesty. I believe that, especially in today's economy, the candidate for a job has to be savvy, but honest. I guess it is a quality that both my husband and I believe in enough that we have instilled it into our children. It hurts big time when they don't get the same honesty in return. I understand that employers are not overly anxious to hire new employees, but they can at least be honest about it. If they advertise for a job opening, and receive an applicant, they should have an obligation to that candidate to say if there is really an opening, or if they are just "looking" for possible hires someday. Honesty. It is a rare commodity these days.
My son is out pounding the pavement again, so to speak. He still has a month of school to go too, so he blends the job search with finals and projects and all those wonderful things students do. I know he will be ok, and things will work out for him, but as his mom, I feel his pain, his disappointment, his rejection. Then I pick up the pieces.
Friday, April 10, 2009
A Peanut butter and jelly sandwich
My son is home from College for the Easter holiday. Today, he had a job interview, the third time he has been summoned to this company. Today was the first time he came back feeling positive about his effort. He has approached each interview with this company as a new quest, and a challenge. They keep asking him to return. He was very nervous before he left. I wanted to hug him, to make the worry and fear of uncertainty go away. But I couldn't.
As his mom, who always wants to fix everything and make it right, he is now doing something completely on his own. I can't fix it, or do anything other than make sure his shirt is clean and ironed before he leaves the house. It is very hard for me, a mom who wants to help her child succeed, realize that now he has to do it on his own. It is his turn to shine in his own rite. He will succeed.
After the interview, I made him lunch That I can still do. His favorite, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I sat across the table from my 22 year old son as he ate. We talked about the interview, the questions, and tried to interject meaning into what he could remember from the interview. I mentioned that I know this job search is hard. My son, a boy of few words, said, "No mom, it is the hardest thing I have ever done."
I have been thinking about his words all afternoon. He is probably right. There is nothing I can do to make it easier. Even if I could, I wouldn't. He needs to find his way in the world now, and carve out who he will be professionally. I can't do that for him. My husband and I have tried to give him the skills to be a good and generous person, a hard and dedicated worker, a lifelong learner, and a friend. Now, all of that will work for him.
It's funny. I used to be able to solve all of his problems with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He would, after eating, feel as though he could conquer the world. He can do great things, and I will be there to keep him supplied in peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
As his mom, who always wants to fix everything and make it right, he is now doing something completely on his own. I can't fix it, or do anything other than make sure his shirt is clean and ironed before he leaves the house. It is very hard for me, a mom who wants to help her child succeed, realize that now he has to do it on his own. It is his turn to shine in his own rite. He will succeed.
After the interview, I made him lunch That I can still do. His favorite, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I sat across the table from my 22 year old son as he ate. We talked about the interview, the questions, and tried to interject meaning into what he could remember from the interview. I mentioned that I know this job search is hard. My son, a boy of few words, said, "No mom, it is the hardest thing I have ever done."
I have been thinking about his words all afternoon. He is probably right. There is nothing I can do to make it easier. Even if I could, I wouldn't. He needs to find his way in the world now, and carve out who he will be professionally. I can't do that for him. My husband and I have tried to give him the skills to be a good and generous person, a hard and dedicated worker, a lifelong learner, and a friend. Now, all of that will work for him.
It's funny. I used to be able to solve all of his problems with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He would, after eating, feel as though he could conquer the world. He can do great things, and I will be there to keep him supplied in peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
Friday, April 3, 2009
His jacket
As parents we look for milestones in our children's lives, to mark their growth, or just to make sure we don't forget the details of their growing. The first time they roll over on their own, the first tooth, the first steps all the baby firsts that are such milestones to remember.
Then comes school. The first day of Kindergarten can be traumatic for parents. I know as an educator some children just do not separate from the parent at school time. The reverse is also true, the parent doesn't separate from the child well. But we all get through it. Suddenly, we find our little preschooler, in high school, and somehow we manage to wonder where the years have gone as we listen to Pomp and Circumstance, at the high school graduation.
I remember taking my children to college. Moving them in, hauling their stuff, and then having my heart ripped from my flesh as I had to leave them behind, in their dorms. I knew it was a right of passage, time now for them to begin to find their way in this world, but it still hurt.
Soon, my youngest will graduate from college. I remember the first day of preschool, like it was yesterday. He was very comfortable. He didn't even want me to walk into the room with him. He said he could handle hanging his jacket in his cubbie, and he did. I was the only Mom who had to remain in the hall. He was more than ready for this day, and now he is more than ready to graduate now from college. But am I??? Am I ready to send him into the world without his jacket?
I have to be.
Children grow up. We as parents prepare them for their lives. That is our job. We teach them those values that we treasure, stability, kindness, generosity, respect. We hope they learn to work for their merits, and to work hard for them all the time. We love them, and give them our love. We give them hope.
My youngest is 22. He is an adult. He is about to complete all of his basic and formal education. He will be a college graduate. He is an intelligent person, and a fun loving guy. He worked hard in college, majoring in 2 subjects. He partied equally as hard too. I know. Soon I will sit with other parents, waiting to hear his name called on the roster of graduates.
I'll be holding his jacket for him, until the ceremony is over. I will probably cry, but after commencement, I will give his jacket to him. He told me years ago, when he was 3 he knew what to do. I don't think he was kidding.
Then comes school. The first day of Kindergarten can be traumatic for parents. I know as an educator some children just do not separate from the parent at school time. The reverse is also true, the parent doesn't separate from the child well. But we all get through it. Suddenly, we find our little preschooler, in high school, and somehow we manage to wonder where the years have gone as we listen to Pomp and Circumstance, at the high school graduation.
I remember taking my children to college. Moving them in, hauling their stuff, and then having my heart ripped from my flesh as I had to leave them behind, in their dorms. I knew it was a right of passage, time now for them to begin to find their way in this world, but it still hurt.
Soon, my youngest will graduate from college. I remember the first day of preschool, like it was yesterday. He was very comfortable. He didn't even want me to walk into the room with him. He said he could handle hanging his jacket in his cubbie, and he did. I was the only Mom who had to remain in the hall. He was more than ready for this day, and now he is more than ready to graduate now from college. But am I??? Am I ready to send him into the world without his jacket?
I have to be.
Children grow up. We as parents prepare them for their lives. That is our job. We teach them those values that we treasure, stability, kindness, generosity, respect. We hope they learn to work for their merits, and to work hard for them all the time. We love them, and give them our love. We give them hope.
My youngest is 22. He is an adult. He is about to complete all of his basic and formal education. He will be a college graduate. He is an intelligent person, and a fun loving guy. He worked hard in college, majoring in 2 subjects. He partied equally as hard too. I know. Soon I will sit with other parents, waiting to hear his name called on the roster of graduates.
I'll be holding his jacket for him, until the ceremony is over. I will probably cry, but after commencement, I will give his jacket to him. He told me years ago, when he was 3 he knew what to do. I don't think he was kidding.
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