A Peanut butter and jelly sandwich

My son is home from College for the Easter holiday. Today, he had a job interview, the third time he has been summoned to this company. Today was the first time he came back feeling positive about his effort. He has approached each interview with this company as a new quest, and a challenge. They keep asking him to return. He was very nervous before he left. I wanted to hug him, to make the worry and fear of uncertainty go away. But I couldn't.

As his mom, who always wants to fix everything and make it right, he is now doing something completely on his own. I can't fix it, or do anything other than make sure his shirt is clean and ironed before he leaves the house. It is very hard for me, a mom who wants to help her child succeed, realize that now he has to do it on his own. It is his turn to shine in his own rite. He will succeed.

After the interview, I made him lunch That I can still do. His favorite, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I sat across the table from my 22 year old son as he ate. We talked about the interview, the questions, and tried to interject meaning into what he could remember from the interview. I mentioned that I know this job search is hard. My son, a boy of few words, said, "No mom, it is the hardest thing I have ever done."

I have been thinking about his words all afternoon. He is probably right. There is nothing I can do to make it easier. Even if I could, I wouldn't. He needs to find his way in the world now, and carve out who he will be professionally. I can't do that for him. My husband and I have tried to give him the skills to be a good and generous person, a hard and dedicated worker, a lifelong learner, and a friend. Now, all of that will work for him.

It's funny. I used to be able to solve all of his problems with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He would, after eating, feel as though he could conquer the world. He can do great things, and I will be there to keep him supplied in peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.